Marriage- Work in progress.

Today me and my husband are celebrating our seventh marriage anniversary.

Work in progress is all about working every single day to make marriage work.



Ours was an arrange marriage where we first agreed to get married and love started blooming after that.

Thankfully we had five months of golden period between our roka(first meeting) and marriage. It was an opportunity to know each other and fall in love.

I remember wishes started pouring in with the news of me being committed and one of my school friend called me after the engagement to congratulate and asked a very common question, "So is it love marriage or arranged?"  

I wanted to reply Arrange but somehow I said, "It's arranged as of now but by the time we'll get married it will be a love marriage hopefully not just for me but for both of us." 

Exactly 7 years ago today, we got married as per hindu ritual in front of our family and friends without knowing how we were going to survive.

By the grace of God I can say, Life is beautiful when you have someone who loves you, cares for you and importantly respects you.

In seven years I have met many people who complain about their spouse that they have changed, they are not the person they loved and sometimes they regret being getting married and quote that it was better being single than in a relationship. 

I know I am not an expert here but in seven years I together with my husband took every step, climbed every stair, jumped every pit, pushed every hard rock to make our relationship stronger. So it won't be wrong to say that I have little experience. 

Life isn't a fairy tale or some romantic movie. Real life is a different aspect it is stressful with day to day problems, no matter how much you plan safe its impromptu nature drags you in a different direction.

It might sound blunt but reality and responsibilities do take toll on romance, even though temporarily. 

Excitement try hard to fade away after a few years of being marriage. But does that mean there nothing left in marriage or its end of marriage...

I think excitement is just like a flowery plant that needs to handled with care with adequate amount of water, sunlight and fertilizers...when you take proper care flowers blossom and if you ignore the plant will eventually dry out.

Marriage is not just about excitement and romance its much more than that. After all marraige is not bed of roses. Even if it is then even roses have thorns... 

A marriage brings two people with different histories, personalities and outlooks together for a lifetime. Or say it tries to unite two people from two different comfort zones. So of course, sustaining it is and can never be easy for either.

Sometimes it brings troubles and sorrows but if we keep the love in mind there is always a better tomorrow because love is meant to be forever even through the toughest of times.

If you think love begins to fade away then one must remember the vows that were made, "To be with each other forever and always" .

There are all kinds of marriages, obviously I am not supporting the ugly ones that are drenched with physical and emotional voilence... Every one makes mistakes and sometimes so called soul-mates kill the soul and what remains is mates.. (In those cases its better to forget the vows and move out of the relationship.) Let's not get into much details here but this do reminds me of a quote that I read from a book I borrowed from my dad by saint Kabir... 

प्रीत पुरानी ना होत है, जो उत्तम से लाग

सौ बरसा जल मैं रहे, पात्थर ना छोरे आग।

It means, Love never gets old if its with the wisest man.. Same way like stone never looses its power to produce fire when rubbed even if it remains in water for years.

If love is meant to last, it will just transform into a more steady, mature, giving, and lifelong feeling of true love...

Perfect couple: just a notion. 

There is nothing like marriage made in heaven. Marriages are made on earth and must be enjoyed here. This therefore means married couple must learn to have a focus, direction, vision and purpose.

Where People mostly fail is when they tend to define a relationship as perfect by seeing others and start comparing themselves to the presented  idea of perfection.

I truly believe that love is something that is felt from inside and each individual has a unique identity so is their union so it's important that every couple must define their perfection in their own way.

Let it be like a clay, if you want it to be a singing bird then be it even if other makes a Unicorn out of it. If you are happy than it shouldn't matter how others define perfection or what standards someone sets to qualify for the category.

Me and my husband are individuals who are not perfect(Mostly me). Well, we the two non perfect people do make a perfect couple because perfection is achieved when imperfections are compensated mutually.

Imperfections leads to fights, which are part of every healthiest relationship. Point here is not the fights but emerging out from fights. Every pain gives a lesson. Simply saying "I am sorry" and moving on with every experience is the step towards achieving perfection. 

I have my 3 basic rules here which I would love to share: By simply remembering these 3N's one can live a stressfree life... 

1. Never pick a fight based on a third person's words.

2. Never dismiss partner's attempt to make up after a tiff.

3. Never hold on to the grudge.

Well it causes pain and further frustration within the relationship if not adhered to... 

Its observable after fight is I think one of the main reasons why relationships don’t work effectively is, the lack of communication. 

One must understand the importance of words, its vital to understand the other persons perspective. Refusing to talk about your worries, fears, emotions, desires makes things complicated further leading to misunderstandings and in later stages verbal violence...

Marriage is a beautiful institution and Love is the foundation of any relationship but it requires much more than love to make marriage work, here I am trying to point few takeaways equalling my years of marriage:

1. Respect

2. Trust

3. Appreciation

4. Humor

5. Sacrifice 

6. Hope

7. Memories

Its a mutual work to keep these seven batteries charged... And its a never ending task...like I said Work in progress... 

The detail part I am saving for my next blog on  relationships. This is my fifth blog on this particular topic and I am quite astonished to read my own words. A person who speaks few words have so much to share... 

Thanks for reading and supporting...