A tag- Just a housewife.

Hello,

I am a woman in early 30's commonly known mostly by the last name of my husband or first name of my son, you pretty guessed it right- yes, I am a homewife...

Wondering why I am giving my weird introduction which has nothing about me but my marital status, a tag "Just a housewife" ?



Few days back, I was sitting in a park watching my son swinging, jumping when someone came and sat next to me. Mother of a sweet little girl, we started chatting and soon she popped the question: "Are you working or...??" she didn't even complete the question as its implied or saying the word housewife is hideous...

I am almost in seventh year of my marriage have a son so this was not the first time I was gonna answer the question. So I said "I am a homemaker and yes I am working." and we just exchanged smiles.

Listening to my own answer I wonder how my answer is totally different from the one I said in my early years of marriage, "No, Just a housewife" and this blog is about all about my decision, the tag I am given and my contrasting statement.

I am a hohshwife or I like to address it as, a homemaker. Homemaker by choice and not by chance...  not because I ain't educated enough or ain't career-minded. I am professionally educated but choose to stay at home for my family.

I have a supporting husband and child who appreciate my work but then there is also the attitude of many others who make me feel as if I am 'wasting' my life by being a home maker.

I was out to attend a puja when someone said, "Why to waste your education, husbands learn to adjust and kids eventually grow, maids are easily available so what's the fuss. Earning means Independence. Why waste your time sitting idle at home. "

I was shocked to hear the statement. If you ask me it was an immature statement coming from a mouth of woman who thinks she is independent and what worse was that she too was a mother. I just looked at the toddler sitting in her lap and her husband standing near the door, I felt sorry for them.

I went into a deep thinking zone, What if the kid in his adulthood chooses his independence over family but still provides monetary help. Will that be OK? I guess not because in elder hood the parents would crave for attention, love and affection more than money from their son, but instead will be fulfilled by the care takers identically like his childhood.

Well I am seriously against the thought of raising kids like pig to slaughter or raising kids on the concept of give and take. I hate it when people promulgate that "we take care of kids and as a perquisites in our elderly days they will support us." It's not like it's wrong but I hate it  specially when it comes from the self-absorbed people who keep changing the definition of independence and responsibilities as per their requirements.

So I just replied with one big spurious smile and not a single word as I didn't want to turn an auspicious occasion into a wrestling ring: ladies vs ladies battle.

According to some people, woman can either be working or a housewife as they frame their question and pass judgements which in itself is a bullshit... because it implies that housewife is ‘not working’ and have all the time free to do as they please... not wanting to do much with life.

After my son turned two the questions on my decision were raised frequently and these perennial questions started bothering me to the extent that I went silent that even my husband noticed and enquired, so I told him about others being judgemental and how their statements affected me, how few words echoed in my head: "waste of education", "maids", "Independence", "sitting idle" "kids".

How comparisons with some "working women" were made who woke up early, and worked through out the day and slept late at night, which dragged me into self-loathing hell.

I remember he gave a ridiculed laugh and said, " You are upset just because some one raised finger on your own choice. It's not your fault but there will always be someone who will disapprove what you do. I believe if you are in happy space things like this should not bother you. Two important things that matter most are, 'What you want' and 'Are you content' . You are doing wonderful, I am happy and appreciate what you do for us. So cheer up and smile."

I looked in his eyes and smiled and no such ridiculous statements bothered me ever.

As for myself, I too ask the same question that whether someone has a job or is a homemaker. But I never pass my judgements as I am always in awe of the women who manage home and office beautifully, I never go on pointing fingers on how the kids and family life suffers, they may not turn their head away but as a matter of fact you cannot give your 100% to everything you do.

Though I am not a perfectionist, I do have slip-up moments but I do understand the fact that it's difficult to work in office with so much pressure and cook after getting home and spend time with kids and make them do their homework.

I have great admiration for all the women who mange job and home just to be a helping hand and even for those who choose career with(not above) family as it's their individual choice. They do what they think is best for them and their family.

But when I (homemaker) decide to do what's best for me and my family, my image is confined to the lazy, bored, passive, weak, sensitive and dependent women often depressed as depicted in television operas, the one who is seen bitching and scheming in the family??

Whereas  career woman is often termed as a wonder woman(just imagine Gal Godot in formal skirt with perfectly sleek hair and laptop in her hand).

I am like, Really!!!

Hard work of a career woman is easily recognisable by her heavy paychecks, appraisals, incentives, lead etc but that doesn't mean the work of a housewife should be undermined just because she  doesn’t go to the office, doesn’t get paid, has no fixed work timing and no boss to report to?

Can any one monetise domestic work by considering each and every task. I don't think so. Every method will fall short. After all, how much monetary value can you put on changing nappies or on soothing a whining child, waiting 24*7 just in case of need and there are no rules governing the services.

I agree that work is not even the 1/2 what it used to be back when there were no refrigerators, microwaves, food processors or dishwashers etc. but if anyone thinks that being a home maker is an easy job, then I should correct you... A homemaker is living the life of many different professionals in her own small way be it a nurse, teacher, caretaker.

How fare is comparing the work of homemaker with the nanny or maid who cleans the house and utensils, does laundry ??

People often say these are petty works as they require no special skill and can be done by any maid available not even in 1/8 of ones handsome salary and some tend to be sarcastic by helping the poor running their family.

I repudiate that I am not independent. If I say am dependent on my husband for money so is he, for food and other household work.

A career woman has dual role to play inside and outside the house... I agree. She just not have a career alone but has to fulfil role of a mother, wife, daughter-in-law etc...etc... So is the role of a man. He too has a job and he too dons many hats, of loving husband, caring father, responsible son and son-in-law...

Man doesn't feel inferior, "Oh! I am too dependent on my wife for food and laundry, I should do it myself."  We talk about woman empowerment, liberalisation... Fine woman were not given the status, value they deserved but things are not same in every house.

Cutting short the discussion, I believe it's the  responsibility of both man and  woman together to establish a happy and prosperous family. So Why see the one side of the see-saw why not consider the other side who's helping in balancing. See-saw is the happiness.

This blog was not about what housewives do or don't. It was an attempt to show appreciation to every woman who listen to their heart and make decisions.

It's all about happiness, What makes you and your loved ones happy...

I am a housewife – one who enjoys everything about it be it the privileges or the hardships.

I am a housewife and am definitely working...